We Are Responsible For What We Say, Not For What Others Understand

Communication is not a particularly straightforward process. What we say is sometimes misinterpreted and this happens because many times our interlocutor has his own vision of things and, far from listening, he prepares only to respond.

Our previous perceptions, the subtle defect of categorizing reality before understanding it and speaking before attending to whoever is in front of us,  are usually the most common mistakes when communicating.

Therefore, when there have already been many times in which we have made an effort to make one aspect clear, when we are tired of giving one explanation after another without understanding or closeness, perhaps, it is time to accept that, sometimes , it is better to stop investing strength and energy in something that has no solution. We invite you to reflect on it.

What we say, what we communicate and what others understand

The first condition for the communication process to be effective is respect. However, on occasions, we have been able to verify that this is not always the case.

There are those who choose to raise their voices thinking that with this they make themselves understood better; others are unable to maintain eye contact with which to empathize and carry out a more harmonious conversation. Let’s take a closer look at all these aspects.

The communicative styles with which we have grown up

The communicative style that we have lived throughout our childhood and early youth undoubtedly has a lot of weight and, at the same time, it can get to position us in one direction or another.

• The authoritarian style is a type of one-way communication ; In other words, there is only one direction in communication: far from attending to what we say or intuiting our needs, the one who has the power is the one who has something to say.

Authoritarianism does not know dialogue, listening or empathy. It is limited only to order. All this will make the child think that what he thinks or feels is not important.

• On the other hand, a communicative style opposed to the previous one is, without a doubt, democratic and effective communication. It is one where there is reciprocity, attention, respect, listening and an adequate interpretation of the messages that are received.

The person who from early times is educated in this style of communication where their needs are met and where each word is considered important grows with greater security and with better self-esteem.

It is important to learn to listen to “what is not said”

When we talk about the need to learn to also listen to “what is not said”, we are referring above all to developing adequate empathy, something that not everyone applies on a day-to-day basis.

Sometimes a phrase is much more than a set of words with a certain meaning. The speaker’s expression, tone, and gestures define this type of non-verbal communication, which sometimes carries more weight than verbal communication.

We have reached a point where we stop looking into each other’s eyes to speak. Many times, this non-verbal communication has been replaced by “emoticons”, since a large part of our dialogues and what we say is transmitted through electronic messaging.

It is important to cultivate face-to-face conversations where the gaze meets and is wise, intuitive and close. It is the most important pillar of communication, because communicating is, above all, projecting emotions.

Stop giving explanations to those who understand what you want

There are battles that we have to give up for lost even if our soul is at it. Even if with that act of acceptance we have to assume that even the people who love us the most do not understand us.

Sometimes the dialogue goes far beyond affections and even emotions. We are already talking about values. Let us think of the case of a family, of parents who do not understand that their son has chosen a certain partner.

You can talk about love, sincere affection and, however, all these pillars will not make sense for some people for whom these aspects are unimportant before others such as “what will they say”, or “the one that you leave and leave us is a treason”.

It is clear that there are cases and cases. Sometimes what we say and what we defend is of no use to those who do not listen or want to establish bridges of understanding, respect and affection.

Thus, Before continuing to fight in useless disputes, there will be no choice but to accept other people’s positions and understand that communicating does not always mean being able to understand each other.   However, we must remember that, despite this, there must always be respect.