In The Need For Control Lies Your Insecurity
Although it takes a while to achieve, to end insecurity you have to accept that you cannot control everything. Why? How to get it?
When the need to control everything makes an appearance, there is a serious problem of insecurity. Maybe you deny it, maybe you don’t want to see it. However, the reality is there, even if you turn your back on it.
Things will happen to you in life that you will not be able to control even if you want to: an illness, an infidelity, an accident, a lie … Any kind of unpleasant experience will cause a subsequent action in you that will not benefit you. A desire to dominate what is not in your hands.
Insecurity causes you different problems
Perhaps you feel more insecure because you have been hurt or because you have experienced something negative before which you have felt powerless. For example, if a partner was unfaithful to you, an insecurity will begin to grow in you that will cause that in future relationships or in this same, if you give a second chance, you want to anticipate the fact.
In this way, you will begin to monitor their social networks, to control their mobile, to spy on the conversations they have on the phone and other attitudes that denote a deep lack of trust.
These types of acts will not make you happy and may even intoxicate the relationship itself. Even if you are not to blame for what happened, the measure you are taking to protect yourself from being hurt again is not the correct one.
To solve it, the first thing you must do is realize that there is an insecurity problem that you have to solve in order to trust again, without any need to control others. For this reason, we advise you to seek professional help.
The need for control
One party wants to have control over circumstances that overwhelm one. In this sense, it is difficult to accept that there are events that are getting out of hand.
You also need to understand that you can’t control everything. Things happen as they have to happen, without you being able to do anything to change it. And, even if you feel helpless, frustrated or sad, the reality cannot be otherwise.
People who harm themselves, for example, have emotional problems as a result of emotional deprivation, bullying , mistreatment, etc. They have lost control and their emotions overwhelm them.
The only thing that makes them feel good and safe is self-harm. At that time, insecurity is not present because they control other aspects such as the depth of the wounds, pain, etc. And, among what they have no power over, they have found something that they do.
However this is not a solution. Change is necessary, walking forward without stopping and letting go of the past.
How to overcome insecurity?
How to overcome the insecurity that makes you so unhappy and make so many mistakes? Well, we invite you to reflect on certain points that the Mayo Foundation experts take into account when generating positive thoughts:
Value yourself
The first of the tips is to value yourself. Maybe you feel like a victim, you have been destroyed, you are sad or your self-esteem is on the ground. However, you have to keep in mind that each person is worth gold.
Think about what makes you special, unique and what makes you feel good. Along these lines, learning to love and take care of yourself will be important factors in overcoming insecurity.
Learn from the past, move into the present
The second is not to hold a grudge or retaliate against those who have done nothing to you. Distrusting that new partner you have started dating will not be fair to her, and neither to you.
Free yourself from the past and accept your life story as an apprenticeship where you don’t have to adopt a defensive attitude. Instead, continue to be you; feeling good and happy despite adversity.
Don’t let insecurity win the battle
There will be times when you want to throw in the towel. It will be then that you will build walls around that will protect you from others, but not from yourself. Little by little you will go off; By imprisoning you in a place from which, over time, it will become increasingly difficult for you to get out.
You don’t deserve that insecurity caused by circumstances beyond your control. It is the moment to accept, to learn and to move on; as advised in the book Conquer your critical inner voice . Without fear, without doubts, without mistrust and without insecurities.
