I Want A Life That Feels Good On The Inside, Not One That Looks Good On The Outside

I have wasted a lot of my life thinking about appearances. How will what I’m wearing look like? Have the neighbors noticed that I have argued with my partner? What will my mother think if I tell her that I want a divorce?

On more occasions than we think, we are aware of what others will say about our lives. Something that can be too egocentric, because don’t people have to take care of their own? The truth is that yes, but social norms, liking everyone and maintaining a kind of flawless appearance seem to be the main goals of some people.

Life has to feel good inside

It is useless to worry so much about appearances if, when we cross the threshold of our home, we collapse. Suddenly, we are no longer a perfect couple, but a marriage about to end. We no longer have a job to brag about, but a boss that we always complain about because he doesn’t respect us or pay us what he owes us.

However, despite all this, we go out onto the street with a smile and, at times, we lie, affirming things that are nothing more than what we would like to see happen in reality. What are we afraid of? What will they say? This is a huge energy expenditure. Everyone has their problems, we are imperfect! We make mistakes, and to learn from them, you have to accept them.

However, if we instead try to hide them, we will be living a life full of frustration and unhappiness. Do we really want to sacrifice our well-being to keep up appearances?

It does not matter if what we are concerned about is being judged by a neighbor or someone from our own family. All people tend to criticize what they do not know, perhaps because it reflects parts of themselves that they do not know. What really matters is looking for our happiness,  doing what we know we will feel good about. Although that implies facing various fears, value judgments and criticisms that we should not care about anything.

The belief in “what will they say”

Like many things in this life, we are surrounded by beliefs that we cling to so tightly that we resist parting with them. It seems that we believe that we are our beliefs, that they define us and that, if we transgress them, we are making a terrible mistake.

For this we have to start prioritizing what we want, seeking our well-being, not the fact of pleasing others. But how can we do all of this? Here are some tips to make it easier for you.

1. Let go of self-imposed!

There are certain things that we have learned since we were little and that have left us an important mark. For example, if when we were little we were scolded for talking too much, probably now we do not do it so much and we choose to listen.

What did they tell us to do in our childhood? How did we have to show ourselves? How did we have to be? Don’t laugh too loud, don’t jump from one place to another, always keep your clothes clean, go to places even if we don’t feel like it…
Why do you have to keep doing all that? Before you were under the responsibility of your parents and your life was directed by them, but not now. You can change all that!

2. Accept what you do as you would like to be accepted

Before getting depressed because everyone judges us or trying to maintain an impeccable appearance, we should ask ourselves if we accept what we would like to do or, on the contrary, we are limiting ourselves. For example, I want to get divorced but I don’t because of what they will say. However, it is what I want! But inside I am limiting myself, I do not accept my own decision, I do not put what I want first.

We have to start prioritizing our decisions. This way we will realize that people do not judge us as much as we believed and that, if they do, we do not care! Let’s start thinking about ourselves. We begin to prioritize what we want, not what we must do.

Because, in the end, we are the ones who have the helm of our life. We cannot let it be driven by our beliefs and fears, much less by others. Dare to think this way and you will discover how happy you can be.