The Big Difference Between Being Loved And Being Valued

Ask yourself if it’s worth giving so much without receiving anything in return to be valued. Whoever loves you will do it with your strengths and weaknesses

Surely you have ever confused the fact that they love you with that they value you. In fact, it is something that we believe goes hand in hand since we are very young. For example, surely you have found yourself in the position of considering that if you did not fulfill your parents’ wish, they would stop loving you. This belief, believe it or not, subsequently affected you in each and every one of your relationships.

The search for love through effort

What is love to you? Perhaps the other person will be happy by your side, fight every day for that love, give everything, strive to build a common project … In short, you have to do a series of things to give and receive love. However, this is something acquired in your childhood that causes you a lot of suffering and wear and tear in the relationships that you maintain in your adult life.

So, you are surely wondering how this could happen and why it usually happens in all young children. The answer lies in the parents. Do you realize all those parents who only express affection and loving words when the child does everything right or as they expect? What if this is not the case? They get angry, they are disappointed and we are sorry that we have failed them.

Over the years, we learn to forge relationships based on effort where the other takes on great importance, while we remain at their mercy. Our happiness begins to depend on others, that they value us, that they tell us how well we are doing. All of this is fine at first but, over time, it begins to bring suffering.

The big difference between being loved and being valued

The fact that they value you does not imply that they love you. Because if as soon as you stop meeting the expectations of others and you start to be selfish, others grumble and walk away, this is not wanting or loving. The problem is that for a long time you have not been able to discern whether others love you for what you do or for who you really are.

Surely phrases like ” if you love me, show me ” will resonate . A phrase that more than sums up how conditioned we are by what we can demonstrate. Just as it happened to us when we were very young. How many couples are there who, over time, begin to dislike things that they previously allowed? It seems that when we stop being blind from the infatuation phase, then we see the person as they are and we don’t like them.

Then what do we do? We try to change it, modify its essence, transform its being. How pretentious we are, right? We are always looking for the way in which we can make each other happy. Also, how the other can make us happy so that we can love each other. Instead of letting everything flow naturally, we try to exert some control, which is brutal.

Don’t do things to get affection

Affection, affection and love should not be earned by doing things for others. Because we can all change or be bad one day and not feel like doing anything for others. Then things will change. We don’t have to try so hard, we don’t have to stop thinking about ourselves and make the other our highest priority. This causes that, sooner or later, we depend on others to be happy.

Let’s heal that emotional wound that we carry since childhood. The one where our parents showed us that they loved us or not based on our achievements. We are no longer little children, we are now mature adults. We deserve to be happy and not be waiting to do the impossible so that others love us.

Final comments

Let us abandon the belief that loving is synonymous with being valued thanks to what we can do for the other. Let’s start focusing on ourselves and don’t try so hard to be loved. People who love us will do so because of who we are, not because of everything we do for them or constantly demonstrate.